Lately I have had a lot of people tell me how to treat my interactions with women and I wanted to write about it.
I had a relationship end a few months ago and I guess my friends are trying to be supportive and help me “get out there” or something and they feel entitled to teach me how to do it. I appreciate the gesture, but I have learned that some of my friends are kind of jerks.
A lot of people struggle with who they are, and without bragging I would say I am confident in what I believe. This is especially true when it comes to the treatment of women, or people in general, and I seem to differ from most others.
For example, I was on my pedicab last night with 3 of my friends (on pedicabs) and traffic was stopped both ways. Two girls in the car beside were waving and smiling at me so I smiled back. All of my friends were like, “Oh yeah Jake the Snake over here”, “Come on man get it”, and they motioned for her to roll her window down. She did and she said, “hey want a ride in my car?” I really had no idea how to respond because, well, it doesn’t make sense, obviously I can’t just do that, but its just me to think like that. I responded with, “haha want a ride in my cab?” She drove off and that was that. My friends were pretty disappointed with my response, they said to me, “oh come on man, you should have said, ‘how bout you ride this dick!’”. Later the same night, another of the three guys told me (I’m trying to remember exactly what he said, so this might be a little wrong), “man, you gotta violate these women. All these girls they want you to do this to them. They want you to treat them dirty man, just violate them”. Wow. I cannot even believe another man said that to me. I was so taken back when he said it. I don’t remember what I said, but it was something like, “yeah, I’ll keep that in mind”. I’m not trying to be some “white knight of the internet”, I am genuinely disgusted that he said that to me.
The worst part is that behavior like this keeps happening in my life. People that I know keep telling me stuff like I need to not call girls back, I need to play hard to get, I need to seem disinterested, and every other incredibly cliche guy move you’ve seen in a movie. I’ve never been one for this “feminist” movement, and I don’t exactly want to bring it up, but I get it. I get this whole “not every guy” thing. While it might not be every guy, Jesus, it’s most of them. I never thought I would lose respect for so many of my friends, but I just can’t see them the same when they tell me this misogynistic crap. I am just glad I can stand above the pressure to act like this, because these guys act like I am in the wrong when I just treat a girl with respect. It pains me when people respond to my kindness as the wrong choice, as if it isn’t how you treat people. I am so generally perceived as a mean person, but lately I haven’t been that way and people just keep telling me I am wrong.
I don’t want to be this charming gentleman who would never wrong someone, but I don’t want to be someone who is just mean to people who don’t deserve it, especially women. I believe in equality, but when women have never had equality, maybe we should be just a little extra nice for a while before we start to treat everyone the same.